


and even when the flowers will die, i'll still be here

by heismysoulmate



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Slice of Life, Terminal Illnesses, gon/killua if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 07:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21504106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heismysoulmate/pseuds/heismysoulmate
Summary: Vida (Spanish) - LifeVida disease is an incurable disease. It begins when flowers start growing out from inside your body, and when they do, nothing can stop them. If you try to cut them - they grow back; if you would try to pull them out by the root, then it would immediately kill the sick person. Because even if flowers grow outside the body (they are in the hair, or arranged around the neck and wrists of the patient) their roots are reaching the heart and other important organs.Those flowers are feeding on blood. And that's why the first symptom is usually weakness. Over time flowers are growing and drinking more and more, slowly killing their host. That's why in the final stadium even the slightest exertion can kill you, due to loss of blood.If person is careful, they can live many years (blood transfusions, and cutting flowers down regular, so they won't drink so much blood, are helping), but ultimately roots are always expanding so much in the organism that they are draining the sick person, and they die.
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck (implied)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	and even when the flowers will die, i'll still be here

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, in the summary I gave you the brief explanation of what "vida disease" is, because it's something I came up with for this fic... It kinda reminds the hanahaki disease, right? With all those flowers? But I needed something slightly different, and so I kinda mixed hanahaki with the flower theme from 'The Promised Neverland'... I just wanted to play a little, I hope you'll like it ^^

Killua was coming back to his apartment when he saw them.

In the alley near his cellblock was lying a body covered in flowers. There was so many of the blossom that the face of deceased wasn't even visible. Just another victim of Vida disease.

They must have died just recently, because flowers were still alive and bright from the blood they sucked from the body.

Zoldyck didn't stop to look or in hope of helping. He knew there was nothing he could do. Besides, he lived in not necessary friendly neighborhood. Dead junkies, with needles still sticking from their arms, were quite a popular view here. But this meant his rent was so much lower, and he knew how to take care of himself, so he didn't mind.

He got inside his apartment, trying to forget about petals as red as blood.

Killua hated Vida.

He didn't have any particular reason for it. Maybe it was because he was a fighter, and he didn't like the idea of dying slowly, with the knowledge that you can't do anything to prevent it, and in the end you're just gonna die because of those stupid flowers anyway. Or maybe it was because of the fact, that a lot of people were romanticizing the disease. It was annoying the shit out of him, but there were people who thought that dying from this would be 'beautiful' and people should he happy to have this. What beautiful was in dying?

Boy poured himself a glass of juice and sat in the open window, looking at the slowly setting sun.

After his little sister died he hated talking about death as something beautiful even more than before. She wasn't happy when she got sick with some rare disease, that doctors didn't know how to treat. Or when was slowly getting weaker and weaker, in the end not even having energy to raise her small hand to poke her brother in cheeks like she always did. And Killua wasn't happy when he was standing at her grave either. It's been a year already, and he still sometimes felt like he wanted to die with her, because pain was too much.

Thankfully, he had Gon. His friend was with him all this time and helped him deal with it, little by little.

They were best friends even before Alluka died, but this brought them even closer. Even when Killua shut out Kurapika and Leorio, he couldn't do the same to Gon. He needed him. Gon was his light, that was helping him get through life.

And surprisingly Freecs didn't seem to mind. He always looked excited to spend more time with Killua, and was always repeating how happy to was to be his friend. Always with this blinding smile.

Boy sighed.

Lately Gon was pestering him to get back in touch with friends he cut off in his grief. He didn't know if he was ready for this, kind of ashamed of what happened. He doubted they even wanted to hear from him again, but... Gon was a pure force of nature, arguing with him was pointless. And Zoldyck knew that sooner or later he's going to give in.

Killua took a sip of his juice, smiling inwardly.

Not that he minded. With Gon at his side he knew he could do anything. 

***

One day, when the weather was nice, boys were going around the park, eating ice cream.

It was nice to spend time with his best friend. They were always having a lot of fun, and seeing Gon laugh was always making Killua happier. So it was a really good day.

Until he saw it.

Little girl, couldn't be older than six, was sitting on the blanket under the tree. It was looking as if she was having a tea party with her friends. The scene would probably be adorable, if it wasn't for the flowers, that were growing around her little hands, making it a little hard for her to move them.

She was smiling, but Zoldyck knew that next year her friends would probably have a tea party without her.

It made his mood drop immediately.

Vida wasn't merciful. It was going to take away even an innocent little girl, that were even younger than his sister was.

"Hey, Killua..."

Boy raised his gaze to look at his friend, when there suddenly was ice cream on his nose, and Gon started laughing.

Zoldyck huffed, annoyed.

"You wanna fight?"

He started chasing Gon, trying really hard to put his own ice cream into boy's face. And when he succeeded, he had to run really fast to save his hair from getting all wet and sticky too.

He didn't even notice when he forgot about the girl.

***

The news hit him like a train.

No. Killua thought that being hit by a train would hurt less.

He was standing completely still, his face blank, while he felt as is his whole world was falling apart around him. The sun disappeared. Strong wind shattered the windows and got inside, making him cold, and bringing glass shreds to his skin, where there were piercing his face and arms. The curtains were falling to the floor. Every furniture was decaying slowly, and turning into dust that was getting into his eyes and lungs, making breathing almost impossible.

"Killua?"

He blinked twice to come back to reality, and look at his best friend. But it still felt as if he had glass shreds on his skin, and dust in his lungs.

"Please, tell me it's not true," he asked with hoarse voice.

Gon's eyes turned even softer. 

No, it wasn't supposed to be like that. He should be sad!

"It's not that bad. It's still an early stage, and doctors think that I have serious chances at even five to six more years, if we take good care of it."

Zoldyck noticed one small leaf in his hair. It was masking itself great thanks to Gon's hair color. But it was there. And he knew it wasn't just lying there. It was GROWING.

He broke.

Boy threw himself onto Freecs, and wrapped his arms tightly around him, holding boy as if trying to keep him for himself and away from the flowers that were going to take him away. He was probably also crying, he wasn't sure, focused on holding the warm body tightly, as if letting go meant he would drown.

Gon started stroking his hair.

"It's okay, Killua." His voice was calm, and Zoldyck didn't understand this. How come he wasn't the one breaking down right now?

They stayed like that for a moment, until Killua finally asked, but not moving away:

"Aren't you scared?"

Gon stopped for a moment.

"A little. But I still have lots of times. And I'd rather focus on that, and thinking how many great things I get to do with it. I don't want to think about the end. After all, we're all gonna die, but do you spend every day of your life thinking about that?"

"No, but..."

"See? So it's the same for me, except I just know it will be a little earlier than it should. So yeah, it sucks, but thinking about it, and being scared and sad, won't change anything, right?

Killua took one reluctant step back to see his eyes. They were bright like always. He wasn't lying, he really accepted that fact.

"Right..."

"So, you are not allowed to treat me like a sick person yet. I'm still good, and I don't need people babysitting me. Aunt Mito is already doing it. I had to fight with her to let me go to you," he shook his head with disbelief. "I'm okay."

"If you say so..."

"I still have a lot of time! And I still have Killua by my side, so everything will be okay."

His smile was as bright as always, not tainted by worry or sickness. It made Killua feel a little bit better. His sun was still shining, so he had a chance to save it. They could still fight! If Gon didn't give up, he wasn't going to, either.

He managed to weakly smile back.

***

For first couple of weeks nothing really changed.

They were still going out to play, running around, hanging out for whole days, sometimes with Leorio or Kurapika. They even took a bus to go to see the festival that was happening in a town nearby.

It was amazing.

Killua was at the festivals before, but this one was much smaller, and thanks to that more climatic. Especially with his best friend by his side.

And because Gon was still Gon, he later got into trouble, because he forgot to tell his aunt where exactly he was going. And she got furious when she found out.

"I couldn't really tell her, she wouldn't let me go!" Boy complained to Killua, two days later when his detention ended. "I got such an earful..." He pouted, but after a moment it was replaced by a smile. "But it was worth it. Those fireworks..."

Everything was normal. 

At least when they were together.

Because when Killua was left alone he was spending his nights looking into the ceiling, feeling the realization setting in.

The knowledge that soon (a year, or five, it didn't matter, he knew it will come too soon) Gon will be gone.

He will disappear, and never come back.

Killua was scared. He cried a couple of times, overwhelmed by that. But most of all, he wondered if there was something, anything he could do. He read probably every article available on the case, and all were saying the same.

Vida was an untreatable disease. Nothing could be done about that.

But he still had one option. Something that was his last resort.

Because even if everyone believed that it's hopeless... they could know something more.

He'd rather avoid it. Especially that he knew it will have consequences. But if it meant that he could have even the slightest chance of saving his best friend's life, he didn't think twice.

One day he just packed his backpack, and left.

He knew Gon probably will be worried, but if he told him, boy would try to stop him. And Killua intended to keep his absence short. So, when he'll come back he'll explain, and then hear all the reproach.

But when he came back, three days later, he wasn't really expecting Gon to be sitting in front of his flat.

None of them spoke when Killua let them inside, and took off his backpack.

"Where were you?" His eyes were cloudy.

There was a silent for a moment. Killua knew what his next words will bring, but he didn't want to lie to his best friend.

"I went to see my family."

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

Zoldyck cut off all his ties with family after Alluka died. He was mostly angry. At how they treated her like a nuisance, even after her death. And at how they were treating him. Gon was very supportive of this decision after he saw all bruises on Killua's body.

"I hoped that they may know something..."

Zoldyck family was really powerful. They had money and a lot of knowledge. If anyone knew a cure for Vida it would be them.

"Killua, you can't-"

"I wanted to help!"

Gon looked betrayed, and worried, and Killua hated this.

"You shouldn't come back to them. You told me you'll never go back to that house. And you surely shouldn't have done this for my sake."

"That's why I didn't ask your opinion," white hair boy murmured.

"Killua! Stop it. Stop making decisions for my sake behind my back!"

"But I-"

"No. We're in this together if anything. So you're gonna ask for my opinion, or I'll just cut you off, and won't let you go with me to the hospital when I need to go."

"Gon!" 

He couldn't do this! Killua needed to go, and be there for him. Also, to make sure that doctors are treating him properly.

"Decide then! We're in this together or not?!"

There was a silence.

"We are. We are always together."

"And you're gonna accept it? You'll stop this, and won't make scenes in the hospital?"

Boy lowered his gaze.

"I won't... I promise."

And because Gon was Gon, he couldn't stay mad for long. So he just approached and wrapped his arms around his best friend. Killua gladly leaned into the touch.

"How it was?"

"Horrible. And they didn't even know anything. It was a waste of time."

Freecs started rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"But you're back. It's okay."

"Mhm."

But he lost his last hope at saving his sun.

***

After two years Killua rented another apartment, in much nicer neighborhood, and they moved in there together.

Gon's aunt was against at first, but after some persuading she understood that it'll be for the best. From there Gon will have closer to the hospital, which he will have to visit much more, as the Vida will progress. And Killua was practically a specialist himself now, so he could take good care of her nephew. She also still could visit them whenever she wanted.

And so they started living together.

Gon was excited, thinking of it as a never ending sleepover. Killua just laughed at him, but he himself was happy to have him near all the time.

He was less happy when he had to clean whole kitchen after a big food fight that blew up when they were trying to make dinner (they may be older now, but still were acting like kids sometimes).

Gon wanted to help, but he was too tired after the battle. Flowers that were usually situated on his shoulders looking pretty pathetic after being shaken so much. And so Killua ordered him to go and rest in the living room (and also order something for dinner, because they needed to eat).

Living together was fun.

But it was also useful.

Killua heard coughing, and it wasn't stopping, so he went back to the room, worried.

Gon was on his knees, coughing so violently that he wasn't able to catch his breath. 

"Gon, hey!"

Killua crouched next to him, but he didn't know what to do. Maybe he should bring him water? But he was coughing! He wasn't able to drink anything now. He remembered something he heard a doctor once said, and started rubbing Gon's back, silently waiting for him to start breathing normally. It didn't last long, but Killua felt like they were sitting on this floor for hours, with Gon coughing so much that some flowers from his hair lose their petals, and Killua silently rubbing his back, not able to help in any other way.

When it stopped, Killua asked.

"You need anything? Water? Painkillers? You want to lay down? I can carry you to bed."

Gon looked him in the eyes, and even if his breath was still shallow, he smiled.

"No, I'm fine."

"You're not fucking fine."

"Killua..."

"They're reaching your lungs, right? The flowers." Killua felt his anger arising, and he knew Gon could easily tell.

"Killua," he said, putting his hand on the boy's chin. "We knew that sooner or later it's gonna happen."

"This doesn't mean I'm supposed to just happily accept it!"

"You promised," Gon sighed.

He wanted to argue, and scream. But the truth was... He wasn't mad at Gon. Boy was trying his best. It was fucking Vida's fault.

Killua took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.

"I know."

"You know, I changed my mind. I want you to carry me to bed."

He blinked slowly, surprised by this change.

"O-okay."

He crouched in front of his friend, and let him wrap his hands around Killua's neck.

"And up!" He said, standing up.

It reminded him how he used to give piggybacks to Alluka.

And then all his anger was gone, replaced by sadness.

Gon, as if sensing it, nuzzled into boy's neck with his nose, giving him goosebumps.

"Stay still idiot, or I will drop you," Killua said softly, while he started climbing the stairs.

"Okay, okay," Gon chuckled, just hugging him tighter.

He kinda wished they could stay like that forever.

When he gently sat his friend on the bed, he took a step to leave, to let him sleep or just rest in peace. But then he felt something tugging at his sleeve.

"Stay?"

He didn't even question it, just lied down and let Gon wrap himself around him. 

They stayed like that for a couple of hours. Both afraid, but didn't want to admit it. But drawing comfort from the presence of the other. Becausethey still had each other.

At least for now.

***

Days were passing. And then they turned in months.

They had both better and worse days. It was mostly depended on how Gon was feeling, because every time that his best friend was taking turn for the worse, Killua was also feeling a little bit more dead inside.

He was so scared of the day when... He couldn't even think about it.

But every day he was repeating to himself that it's not going to be today.

He opened door for himself and went inside.

"Hey, Gon!" He shouted to let the other boy know that he was back.

He didn't get any answer, so Gon was either too tired to respond or fell asleep. Boy was getting more and more tired these last few days. Killua tried not to show how much it worried him, because he knew he had to be strong for him, but every thought about Gon's condition made his heart squeeze painfully. Especially when they were in the hospital for his transfusions. 

Hospitals were depressing in itself, but looking at pale face of someone he loved in a place like this, and thinking that he look like he belonged to those white walls and sterile rooms... he sometimes had to turn his face away, to stop the pain and tears from showing on his face. Gon didn't need to see this.

He took off his shoes and went looking for the boy. First he decided to check the living room, because Gon frequently was falling asleep on the couch, which wasn't the most comfortable place and Killua had to carry him to his own bed. But the couch was empty, and so were the armchairs. So he probably was in his room.

At the beginning Freecs had his room upstairs, but now climbing the stairs was too much for him, so they have to move it. Killua went to the room at the very end of the corridor and knocked lightly on the door. He got no answer, so he opened the door very carefully, in case the boy was sleeping. He didn't want to wake him.

But when he saw pale body on the bed, he forgot about everything.

He slammed the door and run to him.

It was impossible, when he was leaving in the morning everything was okay. He couldn't be...

"Gon? Gon!"

Killua took the body in his hands and started shaking him gently, in hope of him waking up. But he knew he wasn't sleeping, because he was covered in flowers, most of it already wilted. Flowers were never dying before their owner.

"No, Gon."

It was painfully obvious. Killua saw dead bodies before.

His best friend, and at the same time the person he loved and cared about the most, was dead.


End file.
